My God

My life is strange. Which, is maybe normal. But I feel strange about it.

So recently (though the entire process is life-long), I have really felt God impressing on me to use a talent he's put in me that I haven't been too eagerly seeking after using: singing.

A little over a month ago my pastor preached a sermon about using our talents and dispelling some of the myths that hold us back. It broke down every excuse I'd carried but one: affirmation. No one ever told me I could sing well (recently, anyhow). This was mainly because I never let anyone hear me sing, but I used it anyway.

Then, during Spirit West Coast, one late night on the hunt for a good place to park and sleep, I broke out a little. The lady I was with sang along with the House of Heroes cd pretty freely (and just about every other album we'd listened to over the 25+ hours in the car), and finally I was so tired, it became SING or SLEEP.

So I sang. No big deal, right? That's what girls do....right? Good, bad, ugly. Just sing. It's nothin. Besides, I doubt she paid attention anyhow.

WRONG.

The next day at the merch booth, we randomly brought up our vocal sess. to someone, and she said to me, "By the way, i wanted to tell you that I really like your voice."

DANGIT!!!

Every excuse was expelled. I was so surprised, I even shared this whole thing with my youth group, in the hopes they could start seeing the same sorts of things in their lives. God showing them what they were made to do. All the while, I didn't have much of a game plan. I didn't know where to go from there. I have nice little fantasies of actually writing and performing incredible, life-changing music all over the country (& or world), and have for most of my life, but I really didn't know how to pursue that. And that's all still in the works anyhow, so let's not jump ahead.

So this morning, I was awoken by a text message from Rachel, my pastor's wife, saying that Pastor Don had told her that I wanted to sing in the praise band and that practice is at 9:00 a.m. tomorrow.

What???

I have never said anything like this to Don. I've been much too cowardly. I've imagined a couple of times how I would like to explain to Rachel what's been going on in my heart, and see if there's a chance to do a couple things with the praise band, but I NEVER SAID IT.

Trip out.

I'm pretty sure no one reads this, but should you ever come across it and be a praying person, I would ask that you would pray for me to feel some sort of security in this. Right now I just feel chaos and uncertainty. It's clear God knows what He wants, and He's gonna have His way, I'm just afraid to invest too much of my heart into something that is such a fair chance. Especially since the only instrument I play is the piano, and I'm still just a step above beginner level. So I need prayer for all of my doubts to be expelled, because it seems like as soon as one has left, a new one appears. Thanks.